He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
