I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
