dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
