we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Mom said you looked used
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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