she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
