i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
