There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
