: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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