Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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