Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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