Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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