I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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