dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize