If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
