Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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