Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
