shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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