Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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