Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
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Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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