call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
