i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
