No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
