Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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