those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
