What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This house was built for laser tag.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
