yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
