My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
