I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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