She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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