dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
