alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
