I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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