Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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