I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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