Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
NoShamevember. You game?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize