just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
