i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
