ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
