i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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