Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
