how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
