i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
