the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
