he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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