why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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