I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize