I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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