i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
