If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
