I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
