I wanna passion pit in your ass
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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