I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am naked and annoyed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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