but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
