She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
