Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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