The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
