Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
