how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
