Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
