I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
