I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
