I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
