I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
