i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
