guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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