She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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