I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
