On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
