im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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