Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
